Never forgive, never forget

I can always see that place in my dreams. 

I can always see that person. 

I can always hear her voice.

Dreaming of being in a slaughter house 

watching people being tortured 

to death can be fun, but 

when I realised exactly where I was, 

I was the one being slaughtered by memories; 

in my deepest being 

it all leads to her. It all leads to him. 

It all leads to a deep ever bleeding 

wound that never heals, 

the wound what is slowly killing me 

and has always been. 

I will never forgive, I will never forget. 

I will never be touched. 

I cannot be touched. 

I cannot be forced. Not again. 

Please,

not ever again. 

Because in my deepest self, 

in my daily dreams, she follows me 

everywhere; she touches me everywhere; 

I can no longer sleep. 

Like a ghost, she visits me 

every night, reminding me of what she's done.

And she does it again. And again. 

When I wake up crying, all I can think of 

is "please, don't rape me again".