Sometimes I just don't know what to think. There's so many words inside my head but none of them makes sense. I try to put them together and formulate phrases but I don't know their meaning. I know their definition - not the meaning. Seems like I'm thinking about 100 different things, 100 different subjects at the same time - feels messy.
Not just the words, but everything in my life feels out of place. I wish I had a place to call home - then would be easier to put things there and start organising them. When things are in order they make more sense... or in this case, they would make sense at all. When everything is out of place certain things cannot be seen. Like a piece of puzzle is underneath the dirty clothes that are on your bed. The clothes over that piece are hiding it. Unfortunately that's just an example because I don't know what is over what, what is under what, what is being hidden. Today before school I couldn't find my earphones because they were under my poring hat. See?
I can't find friends, home, earphones or even hope. I won't find home. Then I wonder if it's possible to create home inside myself. The problem is that I need to look inside myself if I want to do so & everytime I look at the border of myself I sink. There's no anchor for me to hold on. My weight pulls me down.. I am downing. Maybe that's why I need to be weightless.. Maybe I'll float. But I have bones. Oh, the beloved bones of mine.. they weight & I will only be pure when I see them - maybe when I reach the bottom of the ocean, only with the weight of my bones... Well, the sand will cover them & bury me. I guess that in this moment I'll become the purest.
Dead, burried, pure & untouched.
