part of the sea

Wow. It's been a while...

Everything is so ugly that I keep trying to think of not thinking about it - and even though my medication is helping me I have no control of things I think. Those compulsive thoughts keep popping out of nowhere... and they are killing me.

Well, I've lost my best friend. I'm trying not to think about it, but it's hard... and it's getting harder. Not only because I don't have him anymore, but because I am utterly alone. It's been months since the last time I went out with someone, and it's been a week that I don't put my feet out of my house. I can't go to school, I can't work... No social interaction, nothing. I don't think I'll make through it - I mean, I've already done, right?

I wish I could be part of the sea - something whole... not a monster.