hguone ton si evol

when I saw both of you together
I immediately felt like my skin
ripped itself apart just to be sewn
back & ripped apart again in a loop,
& suddenly the thought we would
never be together hit me amongst a sharp pain.
it kept piercing me & I started
to feel nauseous: I could walk back
home just fine with an exit wound,
but the thought lodged inside me
just like a bullet & started corroding
my insides, bit by bit, making even
my blood boil, instead of letting it
find its way quietly out of my body.

the urge to ruin everything

After a while you get used
to breaking things even if
you never intended to
primarily or at all:
you even develop a sort of
taste for the disintegration
of atoms which becomes
a massive wreck leavings & lefts,
of spinnings & spills that you
hadn't even noticed until you caught
yourself singing words you should
have never sang, dancing in the
wreckage on top of a pile of bones
& ready to throw yourself out.